Wednesday, February 29, 2012

a bit too early to tell.


here i am sitting in my new room at the costley's home. we moved here for the remainder of spencer's schooling... just until may. it is nice and gretta has a nursery which i can't wait to show you some pictures of.

well. i've debated about writing about this topic for a few days now. and it is a bit personal but i decided for my own process of healing i should write about it on here.

i just finished reading an article about parenting. the hard parts of it and the wonderful parts of it. there are most definitely both. even with an almost-1-year-old. i read the article and i couldn't contain my tears because of the intensity with which i'm feeling that parenting is such a special, not to be taken for granted experience. the intricacies that are involved in everyday tasks are far more complicated and exhausting and REWARDING than any job i've personally ever had.

from the moment a woman finds out that she is pregnant she will never be the same. i became such a different person with gretta. and i became even more changed when i found out i would be having another baby! somehow i felt a HUGE burden being placed on my shoulders. but it wasn't heavy, it was just HUGE. i mean, that is a lot of responsibility. 2 PEOPLE to take care of and feed and bathe and love and teach everything to!! i felt like i was stepping into another realm of my life. and i was so very excited. i felt special.

saturday night and into sunday i miscarried my baby. i went to the hospital sunday morning and had an operation to complete the miscarriage. all through these two days, it didn't feel real at all. i didn't know what i was loosing. it set in little by little and i realize now that i lost something really important. i don't want to revel in my sadness. because i know it happened for a reason. i only want to say that i'm still changed. and i feel even more special to have a healthy, beautiful baby girl to take care of right now. although she really isn't a baby any longer, she is more like a big sassy ball of LOVE!








13 comments:

  1. My heart dropped as I read the first paragraph. I was hoping it wasn't what I thought you were going to write. I'm so sorry, Mollie. It's a lot to take in and I applaud you for being able to share your experience. I hope you find and feel peace during this time. I'll be thinking about you and I'm sure your little gretta girl will keep your spirits up!

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  2. I love you Mollie, I'm sure you'll continue to have waves of sadness. I'm so glad you have Gretta to squeeze when those waves come. I'm SO excited about the next video!

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  3. Mollie,
    I haven't even met you and I know you are a wonderful person and wife and mama!! I personally haven't experienced a miscarriage, so I don't know what you are truly feeling, but I know that l♥ve I have for each of my children and how it is beyond describable, and so happy you have that with sweet Gretta! Sending love and comfort to you and Spence ♥

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  4. Mollie, I am so sorry. I understand what you mean of how being a parent, being pregnant just CHANGES EVERYTHING. I am so sorry for your loss. On the other hand, Gretta is ADORABLE!! Kiss those cheeks for me!

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  5. Mo Mo. My heart just ached reading that last paragraph. I want you to know that I am always here for you as you are for me. Not that I am going through the same trial as you, but I can see how your heart can ache. Heavenly Father has a plan and we may not see it right now but we will soon. That all that happens to us is for a reason. I can tell that you are very strong and have faith that everything is going to be okay. I am very grateful to call you my very good friend. I love and adore you to pieces.

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  6. So sad to read this news! My heart aches for you! Losing a child is something a mother should never have to go through, but unfortunately that is the way life goes some times. My prayers will be with you and Spencer and I hope that you will be able to find the comfort and peace that you need. Love you!

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  7. Thats hard. All I can think to say is that is hard. You are awesome.

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  8. Mollie.. you are so brave to talk about it.. I couldn't when it happened to me. My prayers are with you and Spence! Love you both!

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  9. Dear Mollie,

    I cried when I read this and am still crying now. I remember when you told me the news, how excited I was that we were both going to be pregnant at the same time and that our babies had the same due dates. Now, I am at a loss for words. You are such an amazing woman and I am so thankful to have you as a part of our family. I love you!

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  10. oh Mollie. I cant imagine what you are going through ... I hope that your little family is surrounding you with lots of love and hugs and kisses xoxo

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  11. this post made me cry. Love you and praying for you.


    (sidenote: you have an amazing jawline in both of these pictures)

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  12. I just read this. Our prayers are with you. I admire your positive outlook on such a difficult situation, though I know it must still be very difficult. Gretta is so lucky to have such wonderful parents!

    Again,we will be thinking of you.

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  13. Going through your blog and admiring you even more than I did before. Reading about this hard time for you and your family makes my heart hurt. Im so sorry girl. Its one of the hardest things to go through. Dosen't it make you love your babies you have even more? Love ya!

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