are you strong enough?

sitting here in a silent house full of packed boxes. we are moving yet again. spencer has been at the new job for 4 weeks and we have 1 more week until we see him. it has been... long. 

i'm 7 months pregnant with my little son and moving and trying to figure out where to give birth and not having my husband here for weeks and gaining lots of weight and not sleeping. everything together, it's a lot man. 

we are doing it though. and we are more positive than we would have been 3 years ago. we have built up some courage and confidence and we have matured in life a little bit more. our marriage has become more solidified. that being apart feels so unnatural but we are dealing with it one day at a time. and FaceTime. 

but trust me i cry a lot. and my big 7 month pregnant body with a raging appetite and exhausted mind is not easing up for a couple more months. and that is hard to think about. so i try not to. i try to think about a boy who will be coming and changing the dynamics of our family more than we can even imagine and i can hardly wait for his sweetness to be in our home. i know it's going to be really good. 

i can get skinny later, right?

so now i need to think about my girls. they get the short end of the stick in all of this. i wish i could always keep them happy and entertained and bellys full of their favorite foods and friends to play with at all times and never yell. but i can't do all that all the time. i have a job, and i have my selfishness when i just can't take another minute of this. but i always regret it when i loose that darned patience. i always feel horrible and want to give them the world. i have a hard time balancing making them happy, teaching them right from wrong and not completely loosing my cool. but i know its a lot to do with my state of being right now. so i look forward to being me again. 

i'm really lucky to have my life and i don't want to forget it. i don't want to complain and be down and i really don't want people to hear me go on about my worries. because they are nothing compared to people who really have bad things happen to them. i love my people and i love my life. 

so now that we are all caught up to date, i still like to take lots of pictures of my people. ....